How to Survive Halloween
Oct. 27, 2011 at 8:50 AM
Anyone who's seen "Scream" knows how to survive a horror movie, but what about surviving the rest of Halloween? Here are the essentials for your basic Halloween scenarios.
Dressing Up at the Last Minute:
If you're reading this and you don't have a costume in mind, it might be time to get creative with things you have around the house. Don't despair. There's still time to put something together, but it's time to get serious. Check out our helpful costume flowchart to help narrow down your options, and then assess what you have on hand. If none of those strike your fancy, then try one of these on for size.
- 1) Stick some leaves to your clothes, turn an umbrella inside-out, make your hair a little crazy and you're "windblown."
- 2) Wear all white and, in a small font, print out some niceties like "your hair looks great," "I didn't even notice that zit on your nose," "I'm not doing anything; you have my full attention" and stick them to yourself. You're "little white lies."
- 3) Attach paper towels, chamois, sponges or a combination of the three to your shirt. You're suddenly "self-absorbed."
- 4) Find a plain white shirt and sign it. Make a picture frame out of cardboard (or use one you already have) and wear it around your neck. You're a "self-portrait."
- 5) If you're really down to the wire, attach an empty potato chip bag to your shirt. When people ask what you are, reply "I'm all this AND a bag of chips."
Surviving a Monster/Zombie/Alien Attack:
While the rules for surviving as a character in a scary movie are well-known, the tricks for surviving attacks from supernatural and extraterrestrial beings are slightly more subtle. The general rules are simple.
- 1) If it shows up with guns and other weapons, it's not here in peace.
- 2) If you mix human DNA with the DNA of other creatures, it won't end well. Don't even try it.
- 3) When men dressed all in black show up and start shooting everything that moves, it's time to make your escape.
- 4) Don't explore dark places, including your own basement and backyard, alone or in small groups. Large crowds are the way ahead.
- 5) Finally, the most important tip: Trust everyone and no one. Children and dogs are great judges of character. If they leave when someone shows up, you should, too. If your best friend tells you the new kid down the street is possessed, she's not wrong. The flip side is that children are often the first to be possessed, and dogs are often werewolves in disguise. Your best friend is basically a zombie waiting to happen. If they've been out of your sight and are acting weird, they can't be trusted.
Handing out and Collecting Candy:
If you live in a neighborhood with a lot of kids or one with a reputation for good candy, then it's in your best interest to follow this mantra when buying candy: Buy early and buy often.
- 1) Running out of Halloween candy is a dangerous move; the pranks pulled in retaliation aren't worth the seven dollars you'll save by skimping on that extra bag of Kit Kats.
- 2) I know from experience that a last minute run to the store doesn't always pan out. I've been stuck handing out candy canes because the display switched from Halloween to Christmas in the middle of trick-or-treating.
- 3) Handing out candy in costume is fun, but don't overdo it. You don't want to be the house no one dares go back to the next year, or the one they egg in a fit of vengeful rage.
- 4) If trick-or-treating isn't a big deal in your neck of the woods, pack up the car and head for greener pastures; there's always a street or neighborhood that hands out full-size candy bars.
- 5) Make sure to leave a bowl of candy on the porch for any kids that do wander by. There's no reason to deny them treats while you pursue your own interests (see point one).
What are your tips for making this the best holiday of the year? Or for simply getting through it on your way to Thanksgiving?
Posted by Jessica Gezon