The question isn't whether or not one will be a douchebag in college—we're all a little douchey at college, to be honest. The more pertinent question for prospective students is, "What kind of douchebag do you aspire to be?" Here to help with this major life decision is the only college guide to rank and recommend schools based on their level of douchiness, including illustrated analysis of douchey student affectations, fashions, course offerings, school chants, pickup techniques, extracurricular activities, mascots, and much more. This rigorously researched, stereotypically accurate, gleefully offensive handbook celebrates douchbaggery as a many splendored thing—from yachty to sporty to thoughtfully bearded and beyond—and is sure to spark fits of pique and laughter among high school applicants, current students, and anyone who went to college.
H. L. Rogers and Peter Littleton, Ph.D., are the most trusted names in this sort of thing. They live in gated communities on the eastern seaboard.