Let`s Panic About Babies (Paperback)

Babies. Some of us want one. Some of us already have one. And some of us even   were one.

But what are “babies,” exactly? Are they really tiny people? How did they get inside larger people? How will they get out? And if you’ve got one, what do you do with it? Our most cutting-edge scientific researchers have, to date, only mumbled theories and then distracted us all with shadow puppets and obscene limericks.

But no more! Because Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy are here to shed light on this heretofore un-light-sheddable topic. In their comprehensive, no-facts-are-too-disgusting guide LET’S PANIC ABOUT BABIES!, the authors answer age-old baby-related questions, as well as newer ones they made up.  Herein you can find answers to such queries as “How can I be sure I’m pregnant?” (torso swells gradually until baby falls out into underpants), “Why am I so uncomfortable?” (uterine goblins exacting karmic revenge)  and “Did I just pee myself?” (yes).  And because they realize that the baby will continue to present challenges even after its birth, the authors tacked on more chapters specifically written to soak up all the tears you`ll shed during your baby’s first year! So if you’re wondering how to use phrenology to make ensure that your child won’t be some sort of mercenary or television executive, or whether your obsessive vacuuming indicates postpartum depression or merely a vacuuming fetish, wonder no more. Or, rather, continue to wonder up until the moment that you read LET’S PANIC ABOUT BABIES! Then and only then can you stop wondering, for you will have the answers, and all your wondering will just start to annoy people.