Move over zombies and adolescent vampires.
There’s a new threat in town—and it’s only twelve inches tall. How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help you prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome. Once thought of as harmless yard decorations, evidence is mounting that these smiling lawn statues are poised and ready to wreck havoc. The danger is real. And it’s here.
Class 1 gnome-slayer and gnome defense expert Chuck Sambuchino has developed a proven system—Assess, Protect, Defend, Apply—for safeguarding property, possessions, and loved ones. Strategies include step-by-step instructions for gnome-proofing the average dwelling, recognizing and interpreting the signs of a gathering hoard, and—in the event that a secured perimeter is breached—confronting and combating the attackers at close range.
Chuck Sambuchino is a produced playwright, and a magazine writer, freelance editor, husband, dog owner, and cover band guitarist. He is the author of Formatting & Submitting Your Manuscript, 3rd Edition, and editor of Guide to Literary Agents and the Screenwriter’s & Playwright’s Market. Sambuchino lives in a heavily fortified residence in a secret Midwest location.
This item will be delivered to you via USPS Trackable Media Mail or UPS Mail Innovations and will take from 2 days to 3 weeks from the time the item leaves our warehouse. *